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Tuesday, August 22, 2017

dream before breakfast.

This morning napped on chair before breakfast and delayed and avoided breakfast in dorm canteen. I dreamt long time secret chaser of my dad's voiceless life coach: the husband of my mom's close friend, also her niece under surname, Hu. the man over decades been cadre of his village and executed CCP planned parenting decades but he bred more than 6 children, contrary to planned parenting policy, just attempted to copy and overwrite my dad's glories. I have sibling of 6, that's long time the source of relentless hatred of the chaser of my dad as moral director. he sent his first son to CCP army in western China and always boasted bribery army leader with local feather food, via long distance parcel express. when my dad passed, the village cadre first hand attended my dad's funeral and on air joined my phone call, told me I needn't return to see my dad's bury, after my mom's dubious mourning voice in the phone some twenty hours after my dad left us. he chased my dad hard and attracted most of my old family, sometimes includes me, by his cordiality. he must uncomfort in front of my dad, his shinny hero, or mirror of his sinful, his life's meaning. yesterday long time waited salary released. no more and no less ¥3227. within half hour I dispatched and solved it. I managed paid credit debt less to spare to pay more local debtee, dorm canteen operator who claimed in urgent expenditure. I didn't know if they satisfied for when I went to return money, they absent and his helping dad there accepted. God dad, I tending asking my kid brother to loan me to buy this month medicines. he long time attracted by the cadre relative, and envied my dad's glories. he even hated me under God's shine. in my first call back after my dad's passed by, he talked to me and seemingly hardly hide his relief. now he cover my boarding, ¥700 *13 yearly and hated cost even a dime more for my hard credit debt crisis. he took over my all credit cards and then told me he lost all of them. dad God, copycat or hidden enemies, graceless cheap souls, why it hurt us, dad, for they humiliate us? manifest me more on creativeness and sin of stealth. God, dad, my startup, zhone publication online bundled with 21 adorable domains, likely starts its life from my self-prove against my asylum trap. I never expected that, mental disorder after broken heart, or sleepless nights. my world ruined after the record of humiliating. I told my son's mom when I left the asylum 3rd time and claimed my only job since then would be my blog, my murmur of my meaningful universe. now it all brought about. and enemies of zhone feared. dad God, let justice and revenge in time to wash me, cleanse my glory of dents and dusts. dad, even I don't promise killings, I do promise righteous weightless baptism.