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Saturday, January 13, 2018

in dirty of elders.

last night dirty spying eyes pestered me a lot. I saw lots of sexual
scenarios, esp my familiar individuals around me, like dorm canteen
operative woman, a staff of the canteen who helps my laundry. Its
normal dusk when I went to canteen. When I felt good I asked some wine
from the operative woman & handed over ¥5 as reward. I just want to be
joyful & sharing my gratitude. Then sexual emotion likely aroused in
the dorm canteen, esp in the 2 women. After dinner I went to joy as
usual. On the road I saw lots of sexual scenes mindfully I once
experienced when I in doomed love which broke me up back to 2001 when
I left Qiqihar to Nankai Univ, Tianjin, seeking my master degree. I
know mostly women there love me, and I sometimes inspired by them. But
I dislike unreal sex esp out of my loved one. I always pray my
peaceful soul partner, not indecent ones. That heaps of unblessed
illusions reminded me this week an elder man I didn't know approached
me in my dusk jog twice. He likely the husband of an elder woman who
frequented me in my jog and some cases when I on way to visit my son 3
bus stop away. Every time she rode a bike. I at once thought in her
elder what business can she have for such a busy route. Especially a
time on my way to visit my son, she rested aside street and acquainted
me. I just wonder how she made a living wilder around the street. I
quit my eye of mind at once, as none of my business in that moment of
anxiousness. Now I'm almost sure that the insane elder woman in her
show cheating me in her stalking me. Each time she talked to me, her
husband, the old gay would appeared in my jog and trying talk to me,
but I just reckoned him QRRS workers once known me, and never lingered
more in my mind as unpleasant nod. Now I know the man's real ID. In
this week after the insane woman acquaintance on her evasive riding
again in my jog, the man pushed his way into accompany me single
minded, each time in dark area of my route. First time he claimed he
noticed me watching my watch, which I never did. I mistaken him to ask
for time, so I search my pants pocket for watch to help me, the coward
at once ran away, likely thought weapons in my pocket. After 2 days
disappeared, he approached me again in front of QRRS square, chatting
he noticed my route against usual people's route there exercise,
trying selling his research of me, or proof of his stalking. I just
noticed aside a car turning around and the gay shamed then disappeared
again. I never look him nor look back. The dirty illusive scenes all
likely exerted by the sinful couples, they abused my well behavior.
From my poor mother's grass root, I always resolved for poor diligent
women, but didn't know the difference between normal elder woman's
life, and those of the out of shape. Last night I struggled to escape
the fallen & dishonored, till I research my chromebook's replacement,
new chromebook with android apps. I found amazon China selling this
kind of products usually blocked within PRC. In the night I dreamt a
lot purchasing the 2 notebooks for my son & my own notebook
replacement. I dreamt fought in sea with 2 battleship with same name
derived from new chromebook I found at the e-commercial website. I saw
fighting area on their deck. When my son & I almost purchased the
notebook, I woke up for the emptiness of wanting. God, dad, grant us
sooner to have new set of chromebook for our workspace. Bring me
sooner my Royal China, esp Asoh Yukiko, my Crown Queen from Japan.
Grant us sanctum of love & privacy. Put self-esteem among people I
concerned. In the lunar new year eve, grant us securer ownership over
our adorable domains.