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Tuesday, August 22, 2017

dream before breakfast.

This morning napped on chair before breakfast and delayed and avoided breakfast in dorm canteen. I dreamt long time secret chaser of my dad's voiceless life coach: the husband of my mom's close friend, also her niece under surname, Hu. the man over decades been cadre of his village and executed CCP planned parenting decades but he bred more than 6 children, contrary to planned parenting policy, just attempted to copy and overwrite my dad's glories. I have sibling of 6, that's long time the source of relentless hatred of the chaser of my dad as moral director. he sent his first son to CCP army in western China and always boasted bribery army leader with local feather food, via long distance parcel express. when my dad passed, the village cadre first hand attended my dad's funeral and on air joined my phone call, told me I needn't return to see my dad's bury, after my mom's dubious mourning voice in the phone some twenty hours after my dad left us. he chased my dad hard and attracted most of my old family, sometimes includes me, by his cordiality. he must uncomfort in front of my dad, his shinny hero, or mirror of his sinful, his life's meaning. yesterday long time waited salary released. no more and no less ¥3227. within half hour I dispatched and solved it. I managed paid credit debt less to spare to pay more local debtee, dorm canteen operator who claimed in urgent expenditure. I didn't know if they satisfied for when I went to return money, they absent and his helping dad there accepted. God dad, I tending asking my kid brother to loan me to buy this month medicines. he long time attracted by the cadre relative, and envied my dad's glories. he even hated me under God's shine. in my first call back after my dad's passed by, he talked to me and seemingly hardly hide his relief. now he cover my boarding, ¥700 *13 yearly and hated cost even a dime more for my hard credit debt crisis. he took over my all credit cards and then told me he lost all of them. dad God, copycat or hidden enemies, graceless cheap souls, why it hurt us, dad, for they humiliate us? manifest me more on creativeness and sin of stealth. God, dad, my startup, zhone publication online bundled with 21 adorable domains, likely starts its life from my self-prove against my asylum trap. I never expected that, mental disorder after broken heart, or sleepless nights. my world ruined after the record of humiliating. I told my son's mom when I left the asylum 3rd time and claimed my only job since then would be my blog, my murmur of my meaningful universe. now it all brought about. and enemies of zhone feared. dad God, let justice and revenge in time to wash me, cleanse my glory of dents and dusts. dad, even I don't promise killings, I do promise righteous weightless baptism.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

out of rainy and climax of summer 2017.

this is a sunny morning. I put my quilt outside for sunburn, while
since workload I preparing for coming salary. this month I borrowed
near ¥800 from dorm canteen. and the operative woman urged me to
return my debt more for they are in urgency to make use of it. I tried
once to contact my elder sister for aid but so far didn't connect
successfully. last Wednesday after I made full backup of zhone
publication online, I walked to visit my son midnight, in pains of not
attend him so long in my solitary, against risk of unhealthy tendency
the dark world trying assert on him. my son calm heard my fear and
soundly chose maintain our current life unchanged, except my purposed
new weekend reunion once a week, from 2 visits weekly. its the first
new routine in place and now I still penniless. in the week the dorm
lan administrative attempted to bring down my vpn and in 2 days I
barely surfing freedom web. so I prepared for harshed surveillance,
installing windows client which more robust and workable as new hub of
connectivities. God, dad, I'm in such a pitiful situation that I
totally under your mercy. help us and ensure our ward free web. this
week passed smoothly, lest my bothering of looking out for my son's
presence, except now when I waiting for financial support to fetch him
for monthly reunion in my dorm. dad God, sinking PRC step by step
tighten rein over overseas purchase, among which my domain investment
endangered for our registrar chosen godaddy against PRC's lawless
tyrant seizure. now they put alipay and tenpay, Chinese most domineer
online payment tools, under its account, not only for monetary profit
but also for its political advantage. my 21 domain renewal also
heavier burden in shrinking civilian income nowadays PRC. dad,
whatever is its fate with my namespace accompanies me decade, I choose
abide with your putting me on the holy road of commitment and joys.
dad God, 2017 summer now turns drier and crisp, golden moment in
northeastern China under siberia. God dad, my job and agenda fulfilled
so well that I linger here with thankfulness. guide me with larger
target and brighter goal in time for achievement brought out by our
endeavors already, esp by my son, woz's. in weeks he will step into
his junior middle school. in less promising PRC education system, what
I can expect him out of rat race among cheap young Chinese? dad God,
cater to him, Hope of China, to expertise of academy and physical
skills. his video game skill quite considerable adequate, while his
eyesight suffers. protect him from aimless and tasteless. thx, Father.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

in proceeding informative web.

dreamt among my old family in my hometown gathering. my youngest elder
sister told me my nephew, ie. my eldest sister's first son, also
improving English by learning from his clients, aside my eldest
brother's son who almost mastered English in his self-employed work in
southern China. my nephew previously almost a hooligan in local
factory. now he owned a small business and totally self-taught English
and MBA. In dream I felt urgency to boost my son's English skill
sooner. today is my 2nd day employing new routine agenda which seeking
avoid sleepiness in morning by offering free napping in morning.
previously I usually arranged reading news in morning but mostly very
sleepy and miserable. now I shift rss reading to noon after lunch.
after breakfast I just turning on radio and napped as will. my job now
mostly concerning reading, watching, ie. informative process. quality
of sober time matters more than quantity of time available, so I
afford more napping and rest before jumping into workspace. God,
recent kodi brings so many qualified source of video and audio online,
I felt so rich on our stock of information. promise us the viable of
our ward free web, shift our focus from method of acquiring to quality
of intelligence of what we enjoyed and work with in hours and months.
dad God, coming weekend my purse is empty while I try hard to prepare
my son, woz, monthly cinema experience monthly. aid us toward the
goal. bring our hard time in sinking PRC economy to new phrase of
enjoyable staying alive. bring my investment rewardful. bring me my
Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for better management of my Royal
China. thank you, God.