these days in peace of enjoy time's elapse companion. but last night I sincerely praying God's mercy for my been shamed: the nearby restaurant of a couple in which the wife is tall shut door for me. the husband ruthlessly turned close door in front of me, the wife sit her table motionlessly, while I trying bringing just bought sunflower seeds for her to kill time. the night before yesterday the waitress in another restaurant tentatively persuaded me not to shift remnant of sticky bean stuffed bun to her after I shared some of them with them. they insecure while I have several restaurant options or emotional supports. last night I talked a lot with the latter restaurant waitress about my life, my future. the waitress in her 40's and previously a worker of QRRS where I still on its payroll. she lacks the grace to see holy glory, so she more or less mean. I talked more about my obligation to God, she more thought about money where she worked for with me and her boss. dear God, on the way back dorm, I felt more miserable in which I tried to show my admire & love for the tall woman who refuted. in the night i prepaid 41 CNY for next meal and she sms back, only granted me a normal customer's role. I bid bye and well wish for her in last exchange & set free myself for new inspiration: tall, independent, smart girl. dear God dad, the snow really clueless. last night I can't bear heat and removed blanket from cover after adopted it for a week. the night my right knee didn't sore, so coldest winter might just passed by. God dad, I really looking forward this summer heat might restore my hands & legs' sound status. dear God, no one saw your mercy as much as I did. before my life into ash, bring me new blood & grace. my debt to dorm canteen successfully cleared, and in your mercy, they graciously accepted my decision to cancel laundry contract. this month my salary again less than 3000 CNY, dear God dad, I hardly afford writing off new laundry bill with new contractor. help me God, u know how I enjoy my meals and how CCP hated that & viciously attempted to ruin it. let them bark, or let the Son intact.
Wednesday, December 23, 2020
Tuesday, December 1, 2020
a gracious day.
yesterday is a huge grace.the night before yesterday I bought a bag of pop corn then shifted rest to neighbor young ladd to eat, and promised will bring over some fruits next day. so yesterday before dusk jog I check ATM to assure my card has enough remnant. what a surprised after found my salary account even larger surplus than when this month released, which likely below 2200. then I decided celebration for the grace. I bought a larger cluster bananas from nearby supermarket. then I visited 1st restaurant, California noodle, where I previously told the young boss not loose management in exchange of obvious cheap gatherings of jobless women or homeless, for clients dislike losers. the boss glad to received my 3 bananas. then I visited 2nd restaurant where the tall wife of the boss attracted me a lot. I offer the couple 3 bananas, one for their daughter. there was a table of customers there, mainly elders of QRRS, esp a retired manager of QRRS at a loss. they stunned by my kindness & generosity, stood to ask for my acquaintance. I tried twice but unable to recognized who they belong, so I complimented that anyone in QRRS knows the tall man, and I was a crew of deputy ccp leader Zhou. they appreciated. then I visited 3rd restaurant, a newly open one, where I ate lunch the day and missed my phone & purse first time when I left but the boss woman delivered them back to me. they r likely suburban peasants, the woman has admirable chest but less long legs, as peasant woman usually has. she is charming. I offered her a banana & promised next week I will come back. then i visited 4th restaurant, where 2 young waiters open the door for me, I treated them each banana for thanks of service. back to dorm, I exchanged one with the porter woman. after settled in dorm room, I visited neighbor kid with 3 bananas. he is a short ladd & cunning. he cautious upon my gift, I said, now that u thought u have a different larger future, why afraid of this small pieces? he accepted gladly. in my work space,ie. radio music, I suddenly want to see the first restaurant where the waitress cordial, so I visited it again lately around 7 pm. I drank a cup of coffee, ate a dish of pickle. the young boss disliked me for he was enjoying his elder female waitress' companion. on way, I bought a case of ice cream for the kids, and a beer. I visited the dorm canteen, to whom I just paid back 1000 cny for their loan near 2000 in last decade. they eating their dinner, and invited me. It was all right when I left. the night I felt so much bliss in sharing food. in dawn dream, I brought my family visiting my hometown. My passed mom preparing our dinner and asked me to fetch some water from village well. I carried my son on shoulders & headed out. on the road several elders rested aside. I asked to buy some melon for my son, they replied u can take as long as u can bite. but I gladly found I always carry tools with me, as my worker father exemplified me, so I free eating the sweet melon with my son with our Swiss army knife kit purchased online benefits us so much.
Dear God dad, It's again a sunny morning. I will attending the tall woman's restaurant soon after this blog. dear God, I never expected my life so rich & gracious. I pray full heart for descending greater grace in my rest life which not too long. dear God, in this shabby world, I still in faith u can fix my painful fingers like a fiddle. Thanks, dear dad.
Friday, November 20, 2020
dreamed of occuring reality.
dreamed first my 2 families, one replaced me with another man without my opposition. then i saw aside the downgrade of living standards. then dreamed i with my current QRRS colleagues waiting in a departmental gathering. the meeting ruined for the host disrespected us. then rumors spread that our leader all year received the host's free dining coupon in exchange for independence of news cover, as we are a media organization. this very common nowadays in China: paid reports in fact manipulated propaganda, rendering large scale news industry rootless & die speechlessly. like CCP while it was ambitiously promoting national credit system, recording common people's small amount money debt, or forced people involuntarily paid for being innocence. u can say individual steals social institutions, or whatever, the core the same: CCP systematically removing its counterparts, let the society paralyzed. its only interest is robbing corporate China for its army. now It's a sunny morning. dear God dad, this morning really cozy in quilt, except drive to blog. I didn't miss task, Holy, now let me enjoy my meal & routine.
Tuesday, November 17, 2020
snow white girls, snow right 2020.
recent 2 days a bit chiller, still it's a surprise this dawn. i fought pains to put on myself, for my work, for my main meal 2 hours later. in dawn lingering dream, my 2nd elder brother gathered some of his pals as well as relatives to treat his son's loath of woman. we ate inner organs of animals, and I felt the tissue is delicious. then dream CCP tried all means to let its credit system hurt me, for I spend against their limitation attempts put on me, turning any normal debt into credit war. they nowadays punishing alipay for it granted my virtual credit by delayed its IPO. in past week, I wrote a lot in my alumnus weixun group, expressed my admire for a girl alumnus now in USA. a bad guy of my alumnus attempted to profane me, I defended hardly, with glory of my ancestor. in the days, I saw clearer that my emotional life was as pale as a piece of paper, I desperate for love.
but not all disappointing: last night i dialed my beloved alumnus, Wangyf, who refused my messages for decade in my siege of love dance of words, she picked up even my phone number possible clearly show my area location. she seemingly wightened by doubts, and hanged after my twice insisted declared first my name. dear God DAD, I'm so proud of her. she is a tall girl in our campus. another girl now in USA, May lee, also refused talk to me after exchanged 3 or more sentences. I mean to have them, for we don't have affair but deep cares, for better life and soul partnership.
It's a new week now, dear God dad, improve my painful hands now, let my life easier & enjoyable. let my meal budget spacious. dear God, my life has been so gracious. thanks Holy Spirit.
but not all disappointing: last night i dialed my beloved alumnus, Wangyf, who refused my messages for decade in my siege of love dance of words, she picked up even my phone number possible clearly show my area location. she seemingly wightened by doubts, and hanged after my twice insisted declared first my name. dear God DAD, I'm so proud of her. she is a tall girl in our campus. another girl now in USA, May lee, also refused talk to me after exchanged 3 or more sentences. I mean to have them, for we don't have affair but deep cares, for better life and soul partnership.
It's a new week now, dear God dad, improve my painful hands now, let my life easier & enjoyable. let my meal budget spacious. dear God, my life has been so gracious. thanks Holy Spirit.
Sunday, November 1, 2020
dreamed of my passed parents.
this morning failing PRC surveillance abrupt disabled my secure connection & forced me to change password. in the dawn, i dreamed my passed dad helps me design office, likely my once QRRS colleagues'. then dreamed my passed mom trusted me to clean my kid brother's hairs from bugs. yesterday I felt loneliness after settled in dorm. i got showered in public spa where i satisfied by the mopping worker and i bought him a bottle of juice. on way back i bought some oranges & shared with a restaurant, dorm guard woman, a young man in the dorm. recently I like to share my food with others, for that makes me happier. as Royal China, my most important thing is dealing respects, respect holy, respect common people. and that's why CCP & it's dog so hated my kindness. dearest God dad, my most relied hand, these 2 days more or less senseless. help improve my hands, dear God, let my life easier.
Friday, October 30, 2020
warm quilt, warm home.
this morning I first time loathed to get up & back to quilt twice. i dreamed my quilt like a checker, when chill, its board is cotton or wood, when hot its marble or some cold material. recently I naturally drove to display more of my merits to women around and sometimes I guess it hurts, for they mostly too old to have a new life. I also felt painful when saw failing managers among restaurant or supermarket i haunted. incompetent persons, esp on key position usually decides the future of the business while I saw too much PRC traditional culture disabling good development of a business, esp smothering creativeness, disappointing customers. I also tried to cheer up dorm administrative team by offering 2 women tin coffee I bought from my unpleasant supermarket adventure a bus stop away where a dog guard refuted my suggestion that checkout too busy to satisfy, which a bit leading consuming in nowadays China just covered by basic needs after USA helped it with flood of currency blood & technology as muscular flesh during its open policy for more than 2 decades. the accountant woman, still capable of birth, likely amazed by my living standard & her body language told me she want more of it. my son's mom also kindly told me my son now has night class lately until 9:50 pm in the prodigy school, and she drove to fetch him routinely. for her tiny figure, her endeavor is quite gracious & I was touched. next Saturday my son will visit my dorm after the stormy emotional dispute my son with me upon his too busy to carefully handling intelligent gears I equipped him. dear God, It's a hip-shoot post, for my web site again ruined by PRC surveillance hired zombie hacker & i just restored it. dear dad God, let the kindle burning till dark dictation in China extinguished & google re-enter China and my Empire of China of 1109 years life shines in holy sunshine. dear God, let me sit on the sinking PRC.
Saturday, October 24, 2020
on countryland fruitful.
this week most exciting thing is improved salary, even a mean restaurant female acquaintance guessed it's due to heat subsidiary included. with it, I well reinforced my workspace with renewals, credit refills, etc. boosted by the saint aid, I video chatted with my hometown junior middle school classmates to express my gratitude, appreciation of their life so far persistent against perishment & shabbiness, not like a blind chaser of mine, now a deputy professor in northwest China now barely cope with his living standard. one of them, once always shown best of him with jokes now millionaire, with 3 growing-up children & confident in himself even more. i also paid back quite some debter of mine. i treated myself & my son nice dinners. recently i turned opener & more talkative among my frequent restaurants, spoke out my situation, esp my extraordinary aging body, my concern of CCP surveillance upon me years. I pray God it's affordable to befriend them there. the new Japanese heating blanket soon lets my leg stronger, eases my pains & resumes my body's flexibility in a sensible warm way. passed week also saw failing PRC surveillance hardly afford their failure to sink my web site, yesterday they using their old dirty skill to let my site down, even my web app is newest version. I restored it all the morning. God's mercy, I afford it. dear God, in several days, I will have a itch killer rack, 2 larger capable udisks for portable storage, at hand, as long planned but unable to carry out, God dad, how i felt satisfying! in this golden morning, I will soon launch & shower. I see your promised, dad God, i saw your promise filled, esp my anxiety upon my workable road toward my destiny so far. dear God dad, let's move on.
Friday, October 16, 2020
dream upon new heating blanket
yesterday I managed to equip myself another heating blanket after found first one failed to save my wet bedclothes. dorm canteen & my 2nd elder sister helps. in the night I a bit harder to sleep for the great new gear of Japanese brand but finally slept & felt considerably warm & dry in dawn. in dawn dream, I was passing QRRS, the SOE employed me for more than 2 decades, & passing crowd to my dorm, but it turns out my hometown home, my parents' house, where my dad received me among folks & told me my mom just passed by. in fact, my dad passed before my mom's. when I tried to perceive what an emotion upon my lose of my mom, I abrupt informed my mom & dad's memory pack cataloged under ding & dang title, say /system/ding, or etc a fork of a porting system. the dream chased me to blog, so my rest of sleep ruined even I loathed to get up. dear God, last night my son & i enjoyed peace. he seemingly glad I ordered him Mcdonald deliver which was a bit late for I not sure if It blissful during my hard financial time. dear God dad, in this sunny morning, I left no regret upon my life. my site under attack again, likely PRC surveillance blacklist my server ip & let it inaccessible, no, after a busy morning correcting & testing, inc online proxy, in fact, it was dog first time changed their target from my database to web app's script, aiming sink my site's serving, now that database maintenance would be easier, they don't know stealth & robbery doomed to fail, like hooligan CCP & PRC abnormal after bitchy Marxism ghost fading the world in cheap & devastating Muslim, manifesting how cheap & how human spices different graciously. dear God, lessen my anxious upon it, let my new family more sensible.
Tuesday, October 13, 2020
warm dream served with working heat system.
it's the first nigh in this coming winter that heat serving. I dreamed new era where all gear & content you consuming can rent & pick up again from breakup. I saw my son enter his university & I equip his new pad with his pals. the running database must very large, for any second u laid aside your music or video, when u served by the era, u can seamlessly enjoy your stream. the dream so lavish that I loathed to get up nor describe it. PRC surveillance hired zombie hacker again break my site, even I felt well armed with what I equipped. last night I hesitated if buzz my son, in final rush, I called & briefly express nightly bliss & exit. dear God, lessen my chore on my sites, let them stronger & automony. I saw it's a sunny morning but now it's pal. I will carry this merry mode for the day. thx, holy.
Monday, October 12, 2020
a golden dawn babbling.
the chilly dorm let my fingers swollen again, but God's mercy, my body just workable for daily life, even more time & pains covering chores, like put up, mopping floor, etc. recently I equipped myself 2 small laptop blankets, which effective warms up my knees. previously I bought a full size blanket for laptop, but holy message let me bought it which proving very helpful on bed against dorm chill. last night holy spirit lets me ordered my son a Mcdonald deliver & my son enjoys it even a bot late. this morning in warm quilts, I dreamed likely in a candidate campaign team. I using a tool likely offline downloader to multi-accounts management, simulating actual polling or voting. I dreamed other matters but forgot now them. dorm water supply down this moment, but God, I just got my warm keeping plastic bag filled, and tea prepared. when i got up it's pal and smoggy, but now morning sunshine so golden. dear God, my websites recently under lots attacks but now it turns stronger and I will see the final laugh. I proud of them, so simply while viable. Holy just prepared me readier for it, like database backup. PRC surveillance hired zombie hackers just wasted their money & cheap youth. dear God, in this first clear memorized dream since my re-blogging, I will end it with prayer for my emerging 1109 years Empire of China as persistent leading successful Empires of Great British and Japan. God dad, home me after half life roaming in my forbidden city.
Tuesday, September 29, 2020
cosy nap after sunburn jog, and rich dinner.
today a bit special: in half decade i first ate an elegant dinner for celebrating sudden nap in late afternoon. that's likely due to recent thick tasks to restore my son and my workspace, esp brunch framework based chromeOS on our nuc. this afternoon i even tried to re-enable my todo list management via google tasks and my web app at https://agarten.in. after enjoyed it so much in last 9 years then broke by PRC surveillance, now i know my work experience matters much than any others. i really like my workspace. holy spirit sees why i can live them alive again. my son's workspace recently wrecked by his harshness & inexperienced, I didn't expect to help him restored it, for God just let me visit him on my not real birthday, Sep 27, then i found him joined his school, however, the grandma open the door for me, and i worked there till dusk, reinstall windows, linux, android x86, etc. when my son returned from school, on dinner table, I babbled my job & he satisfied by my demonstration of new OSes. but still i less buzzed him recently, say, last night i muted all time, even i want to chat him. i saw his inconvenience not to lie to me if i insist to understand him closely. dear God, he needs free space to develop his vision, not responsible for me or anyone in the world. dear God, this dinner let me so full and complacent that I peacefully watched a movie online without call anyone amid chilly dorm room. dear God, if aging really your arrangement, why not I accept it? I felt the joy in peace of doze. grant me more freedom of body resilience, in long run, I have faith greater grace upon me, dad, I 'm bidding you, let my life more activities, esp my infant. thx, dad God, bring me sooner my partner of life. in this deep night, my singer for harmony is truely.
Wednesday, September 23, 2020
once again, the prayer of 1109 Empire China grateful ahead.
it's an exceptional brilliant day today. since morning sunshine, I felt holy affirmative. now after noon jog, I proud of my leisure & solitude. during my main meal of the day, the accountant of dorm administrative team, my recent sweetheart, tentatively shown her boy kid aside the lane, which distinguished my any aspire at once. in dorm, I relentlessly reviewed my situation, I messaged my office pals for my previous monitor's mobile, and buzzed him after got it. the man hated me after so many years' grudges. but soon after I just joined the company, QRRS, he treated me well, shared me his lunar new year family banquet where his baby daughter first kissed me. she maintains single so many years, in some occasions, I wondered might be there is sirenade between us, now it turned out trash. my son called back me next day after I cursed him, expressed regret, I peacefully told him my decision to set separation between our disputes: he may or may not visit me monthly as usual. next night I didn't buzz him routinely. next day my office dispatched food coupon for coming lunar mid-Autumn holiday, so I called him again, he seemingly more or less stunned, would rather muted me. in spare time, i saw his revenge against me, his refusal welcome me heartedly. now I saw only holy saves us, and our disagreements. in any sense, I more lonely now since the turbulent event with my poisoned son by his sinful mom, God, I still saw so many bliss upon me, dad, I enjoy my life so much even tumbling upon coming pitiful elderness. in past mornings, I dreamed but I unable to blog them, for putting up myself cost me half hour and vanished all transitional memories, lest to say dawn chill uncomfortably twists all kinds of feelings, esp pains. dear God dad, does it matters, now that the sunshines so vivid outside? let my faith sings and joys with music radio echoes forever higer. dad God, bring me sooner my new family, my new infant before age swallow my body. thanks, dear holy, forgive my son and my sin after all typos, here and there.
on barren land, homed the older lord.
dear God, isn't today a special day? I decided to reblog my life on my website. yesterday I tried to persuade my son to restore his computers to working status, for that I had visited his house when he schooling with 2 bootable installation udisks for windows and linux. but he refused again, recently he more frequently disrespects me, seemingly he enrolled by prodigy high school locally boost his pomposity, while my recent ailment, ie. painful fingers and wrest, disappointed him. his mom, a small sinister woman, now fetching him every dusk after schooling, a way to tighten her rein over the naive kid. I scorned him 3 times in the phone but he refused to retreat. this morning i cursed him again, trying layout his inevitable biding my prevailing earth power, but he yet forgave. on noon, i busy with updating my websites' ssl and the result let me relaxed and I buzzed him again, intending ease my anger but he hanged outside with his pal. his short mom cunning as usual refused my suggestion to fix her notebooks in a bundle of reuniting occasion during coming PRC national holiday even in fact she badly needs the fixation. that occurred during my daily jogging at noon, in the long solitude, I saw severe long halt between my intimacy with my son, war before my proving myself with new family and new son, a long promised i shared with my son. this last 2 years' absence, I tried to evade failing PRC's surveillance, the damned dorm room's chill and wet let my bone malfunctions, after 2 months painful fingers and swelling foot, now I almost see light of tunnel as holy guides. but I really don't know how to seek a new family now that I saw more and more aging on my body. I admit it's a core issue to my life and my self-esteem, and my son's wish.
dear God, now, here I'm. I treated myself fruits, oranges and bananas from nearby newly opened grocery. I marked today as spiritual and praying new stage ahead. God dad, bring me my new family sooner, and my new infant. reunite my son with me in glory.
dear God, now, here I'm. I treated myself fruits, oranges and bananas from nearby newly opened grocery. I marked today as spiritual and praying new stage ahead. God dad, bring me my new family sooner, and my new infant. reunite my son with me in glory.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)