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Monday, May 26, 2008

baby son warren zhu now 3 years on the earth


i liked the bread.


mouthful.


i sat near the earth


dad at guard.
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Friday, May 23, 2008

mostly sunny, sometimes cloudy

utterz-image

these days i felt burning. since Tuesday morning i was asked to care my baby in the morning, baby cried several times severely for his mother while she attending her school, i just too sleepy and felt right to let baby know his mother can't care him all way like before, so i just let him cry miserably. he slept once in the mid and when he asked for my care i just replied boy should find ways to play on his own. later he asked to talk with his mother so i held him to phone but three times his mother was absent. when his mother returned she held him outside immediately. next day baby got heat in his body and worried his mother seriously. she massage with alcohol but don't work. then she bought him some medicines. last noon she finally decided to bring him to hospital. after returned his mother didn't tell me how he was treated. while in these day i again sensed the situation i was encompassed before i fell into asylum last time. i saw God's set let people around me mentally against me in office and partially at home. i here God's call that the idea and thoughts dwelt on me when i was trapped in asylum was truth and all my actions abnormally in those turbulent moment was in right thoughtful mind and i should proud of them. the shortage of attention against adversities distressed me and i in urgency to talk. then i found a guy of my home town who now studying painting in Qinghai Prov., northwest of China, and talked to him in a style almost monologue. then i posted my monologue onto my blogs. after last night sleep this morning i felt much better and i picked down-loading of games as usual. at noon i got know my baby yesterday got enema treated and in addition of injection on his hand. baby called injection on his bottom. i know God's seeing all these, including darks and shadow over half sky. i cared baby's sleeping at noon. after he woke up i told him my devotion to God and my choice to follow God's guide, in a sole aim to build my site and sight of new China in new Millennium. baby in voice and listened my appeal. how i cherished these moment.

after returned to office i got a interview with a guy also from Hubei Prov., my home town province. he likely just punished from wrong doing, even he just a tiny fish in the mud water, for he was removed from previous lucrative job and now an administrator of the dorm of QRRS, where i gradually burned out my calmness and walked to pure God's call and later brought to my home town and treated there last year. i know enemy of my task, the evil, was gathering and threatening me step by step.

God shines over the land i stand. i know my site was on the aid of my latest beloved girl. i know i m resourceful. i know i own all what i need to finish my task from Heaven here. i do and do in my choice of God.



ps: i caught a storm on way home, even it rightly started before i left the office. it just beaming again as soon as i got my home and see my baby. i caught wet all the shirt.

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

dog and the dead barking at me

卓之 15:38:00
似乎有点厌倦,寻找突破中。

卓之 15:54:09
我想改变什么吗?似乎不太热衷。我需要更多的朋友吗?似乎也不是。

卓之 15:56:15
相信另外一种可能吗?需要时间。相信另外一个世界吗?需要时间。
卓之 15:57:05
形势逼人,我应陶醉。

卓之 15:59:40
铁心冷眼看,游乐待我试。

卓之 16:03:44
籍你我整理思路。我这儿形势逼人。狗群使我偏离常规路线。
卓之 16:04:23
这个世界不存在奇迹,奇迹在你心中。
卓之 16:04:50
我要继续我心中的奇迹。
卓之 16:06:17
空中花园的工作量远未到末期。我仓皇迎战,无心观柳。

卓之 16:06:48
静水返深啊。
卓之 16:10:44
期盼解决,解决在我的心中。只在自在的发现。病房和城堡,你选择那个?稽土与空巢,那个更自由?

卓之 16:16:14
脱壳而去,哪有积重难返?湖光潋影,何避狗气熏天?游走险恶,唯视上帝鸿指,不应牵挂,只存一线帝国。
卓之 16:22:04
只有放弃,只有宽恕,延续自己在此国的滞留和劳作。需要时间让阳光透亮全部黑暗。
我决定,只存一线,与厌弃居,静观其变。上帝的救助在不经意间。

Thursday, May 15, 2008

even heavily being blocked, created my cause


even heavily being blocked and hacked i finished creating a cause in title "China Democracy" on my facebook app causes.com, in the aim to appeal to more audience for the healthier development of democracy in China. u can access it at http://apps.facebook.com/…uses/86537

or u can access it hosted on myspace at http://www.causes.com/…uses/86543 .

prevously i had built a change with changes.com on facebook apps. it accessible here at http://apps.facebook.com/…/view/1690 .even they didn't call near a single fan, but its existence was a triumph of the power of freedom.

i love my voice of freedom over China as well as the world, for changes and democratic China. i mean it, with my poor resource and full devotion.

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Monday, May 12, 2008

Saturday, May 3, 2008

our humble Labor Day holiday

the first day of holiday, Labor Day, was sunny. we hashed to visit the only park in Qiqihar, Longsha park. we bring baby son played on mini-train and mini-tank. we saw some birds and monkey and cranes. we saw camral and bears. baby slept on the bus returning home in my arms and we relayed to hold him in sleep home after the nearest stop.


then situation went worse.last dinner ema brought baby some pears and banabas and claimed that only for baby. baby also claimed he will eat all. i felt very repulsive on ema’s all time bragging her money power and separating baby from others of the family. after dinner i took half of an apple and suggested her buying some cheap fruits for all next time. i also told her that food should be shared, not separated by people within family. ema kept cold shoulders in the coming days. i in the 2 days also felt boring and threatened. i slept in the afternoon for 2 hours each day, while ema busy with tutoring. my life likes in a cold cage, depend on other like ema’s decision. ema frequently boasts the power of money she dirtily earned by meanlessly tutoring. all time she was energetic upon it, which i felt quite wrong. she let some students, most were students in her classes, to follow her tutorial even in holiday just to earn money. most of time in tutorial was ineffective. the students likely silent lamps. she always let it clear that i earned less then hers, and made any chance to protect baby against my influence. she made situation forcing baby to ask for her help and in result let baby totally in her controls. i let baby playing pc games, which i think would be the future generation’s routine, but she constantly shown dispise. she bought a lot of packet food, just let baby eat less staple. she and her mother bought lots of nutritional and lurked baby to take and ruled to let baby eat a day one pill, but baby constantly asked her permission to take. she let baby care-demanding and under her irregular rage’s control and lack most due independency. baby frequently ask for her attention and if her in right mood. she let baby weak.


i saw a lot of poor parency and felt hard to correct it. each time i tried to mend it i got ema’s revenge in cold shoulders in coming days. i trust God my fate and my lasting life, and known God will shine on my baby. i had to fight to live with these ugly family life in peace. i trust God to bring me to peace in the end of my life.


below was photos shot on Labor Day. the movie was shot in the afternoon which was a gloomy day, just like yesterday.





our humble International Labor's Day


Thursday, May 1, 2008

our humble Int' Labor's Day in Longsha Park


with dad on mini-train.


drink milk aside the lake with mom.


double triumph.


steer tank with mom.
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