my graduation snow.

 these days in peace of enjoy time's elapse companion. but last night I sincerely praying God's mercy for my been shamed: the nearby restaurant of a couple in which the wife is tall shut door for me. the husband ruthlessly turned close door in front of me, the wife sit her table motionlessly, while I trying bringing just bought sunflower seeds for her to kill time. the night before yesterday the waitress in another restaurant tentatively persuaded me not to shift remnant of sticky bean stuffed bun to her after I shared some of them with them. they insecure while I have several restaurant options or emotional supports. last night I talked a lot with the latter restaurant waitress about my life, my future. the waitress in her 40's and previously a worker of QRRS where I still on its payroll. she lacks the grace to see holy glory, so she more or less mean. I talked more about my obligation to God, she more thought about money where she worked for with me and her boss. dear God, on the way back dorm, I felt more miserable in which I tried to show my admire & love for the tall woman who refuted. in the night i prepaid 41 CNY for next meal and she sms back, only granted me a normal customer's role. I bid bye and well wish for her in last exchange & set free myself for new inspiration: tall, independent, smart girl. dear God dad, the snow really clueless. last night I can't bear heat and removed blanket from cover after adopted it for a week. the night my right knee didn't sore, so coldest winter might just passed by. God dad, I really looking forward this summer heat might restore my hands & legs' sound status. dear God, no one saw your mercy as much as I did. before my life into ash, bring me new blood & grace. my debt to dorm canteen successfully cleared, and in your mercy, they graciously accepted my decision to cancel laundry contract. this month my salary again less than 3000 CNY, dear God dad, I hardly afford writing off new laundry bill with new contractor. help me God, u know how I enjoy my meals and how CCP hated that & viciously attempted to ruin it. let them bark, or let the Son intact.

a gracious day.

yesterday is a huge grace.the night before yesterday I bought a bag of pop corn then shifted rest to neighbor young ladd to eat, and promised will bring over some fruits next day. so yesterday before dusk jog I check ATM to assure my card has enough remnant. what a surprised after found my salary account even larger surplus than when this month released, which likely below 2200. then I decided celebration for the grace. I bought a larger cluster bananas from nearby supermarket. then I visited 1st restaurant, California noodle, where I previously told the young boss not loose management in exchange of obvious cheap gatherings of jobless women or homeless, for clients dislike losers. the boss glad to received my 3 bananas. then I visited 2nd restaurant where the tall wife of the boss attracted me a lot. I offer the couple 3 bananas, one for their daughter. there was a table of customers there, mainly elders of QRRS, esp a retired manager of QRRS at a loss. they stunned by my kindness & generosity, stood to ask for my acquaintance. I tried twice but unable to recognized who they belong, so I complimented that anyone in QRRS knows the tall man, and I was a crew of deputy ccp leader Zhou. they appreciated. then I visited 3rd restaurant, a newly open one, where I ate lunch the day and missed my phone & purse first time when I left but the boss woman delivered them back to me. they r likely suburban peasants, the woman has admirable chest but less long legs, as peasant woman usually has. she is charming. I offered her a banana & promised next week I will come back. then i visited 4th restaurant, where 2 young waiters open the door for me, I treated them each banana for thanks of service. back to dorm, I exchanged one with the porter woman. after settled in dorm room, I visited neighbor kid with 3 bananas. he is a short ladd & cunning. he cautious upon my gift, I said, now that u thought u have a different larger future, why afraid of this small pieces? he accepted gladly. in my work space,ie. radio music, I suddenly want to see the first restaurant where the waitress cordial, so I visited it again lately around 7 pm. I drank a cup of coffee, ate a dish of pickle. the young boss disliked me for he was enjoying his elder female waitress' companion. on way, I bought a case of ice cream for the kids, and a beer. I visited the dorm canteen, to whom I just paid back 1000 cny for their loan near 2000 in last decade. they eating their dinner, and invited me. It was all right when I left. the night I felt so much bliss in sharing food. in dawn dream, I brought my family visiting my hometown. My passed mom preparing our dinner and asked me to fetch some water from village well. I carried my son on shoulders & headed out. on the road several elders rested aside. I asked to buy some melon for my son, they replied u can take as long as u can bite. but I gladly found I always carry tools with me, as my worker father exemplified me, so I free eating the sweet melon with my son with our Swiss army knife kit purchased online benefits us so much. 

 Dear God dad, It's again a sunny morning. I will attending the tall woman's restaurant soon after this blog. dear God, I never expected my life so rich & gracious. I pray full heart for descending greater grace in my rest life which not too long. dear God, in this shabby world, I still in faith u can fix my painful fingers like a fiddle. Thanks, dear dad.

on countryland fruitful.

this week most exciting thing is improved salary, even a mean restaurant female acquaintance guessed it's due to heat subsidiary included. with it, I well reinforced my workspace with renewals, credit refills, etc. boosted by the saint aid, I video chatted with my hometown junior middle school classmates to express my gratitude, appreciation of their life so far persistent against perishment & shabbiness, not like a blind chaser of mine, now a deputy professor in northwest China now barely cope with his living standard. one of them, once always shown best of him with jokes now millionaire, with 3 growing-up children & confident in himself even more. i also paid back quite some debter of mine. i treated myself & my son nice dinners. recently i turned opener & more talkative among my frequent restaurants, spoke out my situation, esp my extraordinary aging body, my concern of CCP surveillance upon me years. I pray God it's affordable to befriend them there. the new Japanese heating blanket soon lets my leg stronger, eases my pains & resumes my body's flexibility in a sensible warm way.  passed week also saw failing PRC surveillance hardly afford their failure to sink my web site, yesterday they using their old dirty skill to let my site down, even my web app is newest version. I restored it all the morning. God's mercy, I afford it. dear God, in several days, I will have a itch killer rack, 2 larger capable udisks for portable storage, at hand, as long planned but unable to carry out, God dad, how i felt satisfying! in this golden morning, I will soon launch & shower. I see your promised, dad God, i saw your promise filled, esp my anxiety upon my workable road toward my destiny so far. dear God dad, let's move on.

dream upon new heating blanket

yesterday I managed to equip myself another heating blanket after found first one failed to save my wet bedclothes. dorm canteen & my 2nd elder sister helps. in the night I a bit harder to sleep for the great new gear of Japanese brand but finally slept & felt considerably warm & dry in dawn. in dawn dream, I was passing QRRS, the SOE employed me for more than 2 decades, & passing crowd to my dorm, but it turns out my hometown home, my parents' house, where my dad received me among folks & told me my mom just passed by. in fact, my dad passed before my mom's. when I tried to perceive what an emotion upon my lose of my mom, I abrupt informed my mom & dad's memory pack cataloged under ding & dang title, say /system/ding, or etc a fork of a porting system. the dream chased me to blog, so my rest of sleep ruined even I loathed to get up. dear God, last night my son & i enjoyed peace. he seemingly glad I ordered him Mcdonald deliver which was a bit late for I not sure if It blissful during my hard financial time. dear God dad, in this sunny morning, I left no regret upon my life. my site under attack again, likely PRC surveillance blacklist my server ip & let it inaccessible, no, after a busy morning correcting & testing, inc online proxy, in fact, it was dog first time changed their target from my database to web app's script, aiming sink my site's serving, now that database maintenance would be easier, they don't know stealth & robbery doomed to fail, like hooligan CCP & PRC abnormal after bitchy Marxism ghost fading the world in cheap & devastating Muslim, manifesting how cheap & how human spices different graciously. dear God, lessen my anxious upon it, let my new family more sensible.