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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

bright days with driving hope, hope for new family.

From life as it extends

our city skyline under the brilliant Sun.

From life as it extends

baby son, warren zhu, hope of China, talk to his mom in football game.

From life as it extends

a visiting girl with her pet rabbit.

From life as it extends

baby in football game.

more than a week since my last post. this week seemingly main busy with larger sized games, like "front line: fuel of war", and warez's download. i addict to warez, ie. pirate software, like 0day's release, has been a long time. the warez help me a lot when i worked for my previous job, heading design for a enterprise's cable TV branch. after left the job, i tried to keep with the daily float of pirate warez, but finally got up, for too time costing, as well as source of release in China mainly constrained within forums, which i disliked gradually, in the process of my own identity grows, till today's my web presence. u can google "benzrad" or "benzillar", my most frequent namespace, and the result will show u my cyberspace activities. i had told others many times, here i can again assert, Chinese like intimacy, while western citizen more cherish independent open relation. in general, Chinese have more dark view upon social relation, esp. the society, and indeed they behave morally inferior. that's the reason of its culture's fall in recent history. their native born belief turns darker and poorer than God in Christian. they far less respectable than a civilian of the western.

in the beginning i felt anxious about my access to warez, but i felt the open cyberspace should be the larger reality. and now i see the day. now i quite enjoy web hosted warez, like rapidshare, upload, and lots among the net disk, including demostic. i really glad to see my works in these years rewarding, one reason based on its opening and independence, like my sites and domain. i really proud of them.

this week i more times felt the leaving off my old family, and pending status i beset now. i hope i can left my baby son, warren zhu, after he takes elemental school, and sleeps on his own bed. these years, namely, has been 4 years, his parents mainly holding him aside on bed in night, except in 2006 when i lingered in the dormitory of QRRS, my once and long time employer, a state-owned enterprise, just after i fired for divorce with my baby's mother. i all time praying for a new life, for i think from the start the family of my baby's mother is evils, and never fit for me, far less my Royal in God's glory. my baby's mother let me leave my baby several days after his birth, and the evils family, all left to be female, never enjoy sun light and kept in dark from me, including its financial situation which they likely close-mouthed most. in these years, i never gave up finding myself a new life, a new home for my baby to let him enjoy which house he likes to stay. i also felt i deserve a better routine life, esp. better food and enjoyable life style.

these days i sometimes felt gloomy, esp when its indeed cloudy. i reviewed sometimes my depressed love on beauty, on spiritual knowledge, i felt God wouldn't let me equipped with such a subtle eyes and mind of beauty while don't let me enjoy it and hold in constant reach. i believe God forges me and my beloved, just a case of time in search.

these days i noticed a tall neaty girl walked alone the road of QRRS, my once and long time employer, in its rush time. she likely a new employee of the company. i like her temperament. she likely has a long legs, and slim figure. my heart pumps more air and pray more deeper when i saw her each time, and i at once connect her with my missing girl zhou, the love ignite my web search and beginning of most of my cyberspace presence. i pray God now let me reunite with my beloved, and shift my life span toward a new landscape.

yes, that's it, i wouldn't leak more on it. only God know why i put my hope in it. i live for my pray, for my hope, for my bliss from God, my dad.

Monday, September 28, 2009

played football with baby&his mom.read all night.

baby soon suggest to play football outside. i follow them. we played awhile with 3 little girls. then kick ball with his mom just arrived. nice moment. then read all night while ema accompany baby gamed on notebook&succeeded in 2 mission in the game "jets 'n' guns". ema brutal to me when i ask enough food&shown her disgust upon my enjoying food. i pray God to remember her cold-blood&selfishness.

sms reply sally. doubting my love&emotional.

sally sms me last night. reply her. noticed a tall girl likely employee of QRRS, my once and long time employer, an old style state-owned enterprise, passing outside of my office these days. deeper pray for the gathering of my beloved, including Masheng, Zhou, Taiwan girl, etc.read after lunch. dozed before returning home. God, my hope now for a new family strongest, bring me a surprise!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

read all time since returned from office.

baby gamed with his uncle on notebook. i read most of the night. ema gamed on notebook with baby later. i criticized ema's buying milk product&shown her negative report online. she watched carefully. later i suggested the compare between tutor in China with prostitute quoted by a popular writer, for i dislike her tutorial at home for quite some time, but she refute it briefly. she then rest on bed back of me and dirty willed on me. i many times previously blamed her tutoring at home as sex service.

a gloomy day.

went to office later, for preparing offline feedDemon. idled&dozed in the morning in office. read feeds in feeddamon after lunch, in the bitings from facing desk. its always dark since morning. bought baby some KFC food.

dreamed of being urged by baby's mom&grandma.

in dawn dreamed long about baby's mom&grandma urged me to be active on sex, while i all time praying for my new wives&prepared myself saintly.its a gloomy morning. let d/l after got up.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

d/l&sort assets.

got up as usual&let d/l at once.backup some stuff to dvds&catalog them.gamed with baby on notebook many times. also read some time. later showered in public bathroom when baby played pc games with his uncle who here receive tutorials. tried Internet TV but in vain.

Friday, September 25, 2009

gamed&d/l.setup file share in home networks.

most of day reading in greader, while let d/l.in the mid setup file share among 3 computers.gamed&tried new games with baby.


dream of pseudo-gangster in my office bring his gangsters rob my family.then in dream i found one of my eye hurt earlier with an eye left on it under eyelid almost merged with the eye, ie. under 2 eyes under a eyelid.last night baby cried for his mom don't attend his call. i sneered to baby.when i want to play with him, his mother sneered at me. i taught baby a lesson that one never should too demanding upon anyone, for none can be whole-hearted to serve a guy without a pay back,except to God.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

family computers all got Internet connect.

idle all morning in office, haunted in neighbor room&chat, while let notebook defrag.the gay on facing desk bite heavily since work time.then buzzed ema&she let me going to buy boardband router myself for she occupied by students at home.i did in a flash, then went to office to find wires. a once colleague let his man made for me.i settled&all 3 computer at home got wired now. really cozy!

claimed family accounts with panoramio.

read after got up. try newest version of google earth.then lunched to claim family accounts with google's panoramio.com. just settled down. nicely to see our steps on world map.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

read since returned home.

hunted for d/l while reading in greader.gamed on notebook with baby after he with his mom returned.ema cooked fried fishes for dinner.later boast online life to urge baby&his mom adopt cyberspace life.

felt blessed.

sort stuff in office on notebook.dozed some time.read a biologist's biography after lunch.felt blessed in reading.bought baby 3 brand holyland moon cakes.doubting my Masheng, and my second third wife, my Taiwan fiancee, about our grand gathering.

peaceful bright morning.

last night ema shown reconcile by sleeping align me with our baby.last night's sleep was very sound.its again a brilliant sunny morning.i read all time.there r some demon pests my google forum, join almost all of my family google groups&post porn messages.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

fine tuned my htxt&wp.

correct my main wordpress blog's theme.correct one hellotxt autoposting in the morning, in bright sunshine.cared d/l all morning and later afternoon. the so said the scond floor house owner buzzed in to ask let solar power worker making the installation&ask for aid if need. i let first time but refused the scond time. chat with hometown folk works in Shenzhen about his work. ema returned at noon.backup a large font pack to dvd. gamed on notebook since baby returned from his kindergarten with his mom. ema tutored 2 bitchs, tall boy students who dirt the air like usual and more. later i ask ema why she don't refuse the evils, but she refused to tell the truth as usual. God sees the ploit.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

pray for new life, with my beloved

From Family&folks âˆ' hometown journey

benzrad, me, in hometown journey, on front yard of his passed dad's house.

family baptized in Lun river after reunited

family entertained in a nearby river soon after reunited.

baby bathed in warm Autumn dusk

baby bathed in warm Autumn dusk.

baby son bathed in warm Autumn dusk from be21zh on Vimeo.

OR if vimeo inaccessible under censorship visit it hosted on Flickr:

From life as it extends

3 days before the day i left my hometown, village Zhudajiu, where i lingered for 3 months,and lives here my baby's mother's home for 3 months. life quite regular between my office and baby's mother,emakingir's house. i routinely stay in office for 5 hours, from 8:30am to 2:30 pm. in office i rip off Internet access and had to find other things to kill time. first i used roommate's Internet access when he absent, but the demon with a born spying eye trying to bargain with me payment for the usage, so i now totally stay in office offline. mostly i can immersed in reading ebook, esp. biographies of scientists, or sorting my hard disk, enjoy the plenty of warez and ebooks got from web.anyone really love the web can't praise the boundlessness of evaluable resources, most of them can gain by download. that lesson exactly the American people, who enjoy booming of information explosion since the descending of Internet, teaches me, and leads me to deep faith in God's saint and meaningful.i learn God from US people and their well beings.

since the first day i rejoin the office life, i remind myself being idle in office can be a beneficial experience for my mission, for the road of God over China needs time to clear unclear and bias. and according to most Chinese living standard i shouldn't rely on the speediness and expedience of Internet on finger tip. and my threat to the China authority nowadays can't be hidden by the peace so far i enjoyed. so i decided to enjoy leisure of mind as well as bodily in office where most staff wasting the resourceful Internet, doing board games, reading novels, watching movies, or even fed up by turning away, all this kind of simpler and boring activities. i know a far larger and firmer world beyond the constrain i was set in this eccentric city of northeastern China i grew 19 years just to overcome it to see through all China territory and beyond the Pacific ocean. i know God let me stand firmly on my own feet, after pains and endurance of empty brain and tastelessness.

Its a sunny day, even sometimes flow over some clouds.last night it drizzled, after the bright sunset of yesterday. I felt surely i was baptized when i got up earlier and launched to setup auto posting on some sites of mine, after one of my account reported compromised.China surveillance capture my web traffic with a spying eye on my web confidential not for moments, but for years without break.i trust my words to God, just likes my mission here in the barren and scurry land since the fell of Ming Dynasty, whose Emperor bred me and my Royal of China again in progress.

this moment i saw the still green and yellow leaves of trees outside of my office. a even brighter future for China in my view. i belongs to God, my dad, and lives long, manly and energetic as the Son, source of saviour for livings on the earth. China lives, and only lives in God's bless, no other way to save itself. and a more cohesive world lives in love, brotherhood, and most of all, faith in God one.

OK, i bid a lot here about the right path. i praying every moment for my new life with my fiancees, my source of young, passion of life. i praying for gathering with my beloved, Masheng, Zhou, Taiwan girl, Lü, Jiangyue. i pray for my wedding with my girls, and my first house of my own, with my bride or brides. i deserved a new life now, with my tenderest.

Monday, September 14, 2009

baby bathed in warm Autumn dusk

Embedded media -- click here to see it.

baby son bathed in warm Autumn dusk from be21zh on Vimeo .


  baby just haunted outside with his grandma, while i busy with posting his recent paintings, as well as my recent photos.then his mother bathed him even there is a boy student receiving ema's tutorial here. i dislike ema don't pay attention to privacy but God shows me it doesn't matter.its a warm Autumn dusk, bright and dry sunshine through the window of our balcony cast a loveable and moving family peace in the house.


Ps: i also just got showered in public bathroom. a nice weekend.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

road toward peace&grace

2 months passed since my return from my hometown, Zhudajiu, Central China. i quite enjoyed the peace in office, even the place rampant abnormal persons, esp. dogs on desk facing&backing me.God just shown me i can't rest on harmony.i saw my works here preparing baby more enjoyable pc games rewarding.baby grows so smart that my only complain is that i too cozy to blog about my mission here on the earth.recently i just finished reading to Nash's biography.that remind me of baby can be idle in the infinite possibilities of his road on this planet. however, God let me more and more at sure that his arrangement the best arrangement.Sigh! God, i really enjoy my life!

It has been a series of bright sunny days, since the night i told baby his mission and the history of world as well as of China.it then lately in night, i summon my speech with this closure: the world to come surely under changing, its ur task to make the different. next morning it drizzled, so auspicious! i read in office, and left office earlier with a box of bottle water from the highest mountains in southwestern China, Tibet, dispatched by my  once and long time employer, a state-owned  enterprise. in the later afternoon after i read some time at home, it started to turn into brilliant sunshine.

so many moving moment in my life and my talk with God, with my second wife, Masheng, from Japan. i never be surer at this moment that me is the best blessed, and my life is the most glorious on the earth.

Ok, time to bit farewell now. i love my girls in praying for our gathering. i love my world to emerging.


Friday, September 11, 2009

a drizzled morning.baptised.

when i left its dooming but i felt a bit relaxed.in morning finished reading Nash's biography, felt more better upon if God let baby idle.after lunch the monitor told me about the department dispatching each staff a box of bottle water, i left to fetch&returned ema's house.bought baby 2 cakes,esp after last night told baby i can't buy him his favorite food like KFC any more before my bank account has surplus again, for just being blessed.then surf at home, fine tuned ema's&my qq alumni, a Chinese main stream community.China surveillance blocked&lagged me for quite some time when i operate in Ms ie,while in firefox better.

dream of large cat.

last night talk with baby about the world&its histroy.in dawn dream of a large cat outside of our window&startled to scream.sleepy after got up.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

felt a bit anxious.

felt depressed after reunited with baby&found my finance status unstable.review made me even lower&complained the dull food, cooked by ema's mother while she seldom cooked,except reading her exotic novels.baby watched Japanese animation&gradually attracted me.felt deeper thoughts await me cast sight.now quite better about God&my task here in his way.

read Nash's biography all time.

dozed in office in the morning.then read biography of Nash since then.dog on facing desk monitored me at noon,left till after received call of dine.bought baby KFC.baby&his mom returned home soon after i arrived&surfed.

dreamed of entertain

dreamed of entertained in parties.loves 2 reception desk girls there respectively.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

read ebook on Nash&fine tuned my scribd account&its autopost in posterous.

read in office biography of Nash.added left scrbd autopost in family posterous blogs&fine tuned scribd accounts.later dogs biting&God shown me their conspire to trap me again in asylum&disable me by violence.quite nice day with beams.dog also haunted ema's house.

dream of Japan.

dreamed living with a Japanese house, which seat along a river,on the inner side of the bank.met another patriot who boast hatred between the nations.rest of the dream lingering on the struggle between the 2 side competed.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

read&listen radio&hu

read&listen radio&hunt for d/l.gamed with baby with new funny games.fine tuned my gcal feeds, adding more twistory.net converting family twitter into gcal events.&backup.

Monday, September 7, 2009

God dad shown me being father, protect baby's growth.

dozed in office in morning.read Nash's biography.dogs/gays around bited heavily.got God's message what my dad, God, protected me when i grew.bought baby KFC.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

missing love for a tall girl.

sleepy after got up.so dozed while let d/l.second time since my return to Qiqihar wet myself, likely a tall girl student of ema here receiving tutorial let me missing.got up&found ema brought baby outside, only her nephew here alone study.tried to read till ema&baby returned.dozed till lunch with needle.also ate a jar of fish ema bought.baby gamed with his mother's nephew while i read.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

claimed 3 blogs with blogger&wordpress each.

got up as usual&let d/l which queued quite some.read some time then launched to claim blogs in title of IIDChina/riveryog/warozhu with blogger&wordpress, via proxy.sorted assest&bookmark. China surveillance likely broke into my google account, for my google lattitude strangely changed to Prinston, US while i never touch it.dogs around in the residential building wildly babbled about web outside of our window in aim to let me know their surveillance.later gamed with baby,who earlier gamed with his cousin recently absent from ema's tutoring list.its a nice bright day, even sunshine weak for here Autumn now.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

taught baby's mother, emakingir, to use google products.

this morning i prepared full working environment on my acer notebook for ema,but she was locked out for missing password.this night shown her the power of google products, esp. docs she badly needs.baby insisted to game for some time&irritated for our occupation.surfing heavily lagged again here.

God shown me his bliss.

idle some time in the morning.the company offer 200rmb&the bullshits monitor order me over to fetch, he despised me after i refused.read biography of Nash&in the love of God, baby son.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

gamed with baby all

gamed with baby all night while backup stuff newly got.lately tried new bootable cd&found it working.this morning got up earlier to fix the backup of vista on my new acer notebook.